5 Pitfalls to Avoid When Facebook Stalking Your New Man

Social media is no joke — you can achieve a great deal of research and make incredible findings. And, by findings, we clearly mean stalking the man you just started dating. Does this sound like you?

I interviewed Daily News gossip columnist, star of MTV’s Downtown Girls, and current Star magazine contributor Shallon Lester, author of  EXES AND OHS: A Downtown Girl’s (Mostly Awkward) Tales of Love, Lust, Revenge, and a Little Facebook Stalking, which comes out this week. She had some great tips to make sure we find what we need — and don’t get caught!

1. Don’t learn more than you can keep secret: “A first date I once went on was a disaster because I kept finishing his sentences—I was incapable of hiding the fact that I already knew where he studied abroad and which NCAA team was his favorite,” says Lester. If you’ve got loose lips, don’t sink your own ship by stuffing yourself to the gills with information. Stop stalking after you verify that he’s not deformed/a pedophile.

2. Do NOT friend him first. You gotta let a man be a man and this means letting him chase you. Remember, the woman receives. Nature designed us this way. Let this incredibly vulgar image be a guiding metaphor for you.

3. Look, but don’t poke: Even if he does friend you first, that does not give you license to do any of the following: poke him, friend his grandma, write daily messages on his wall, or “like” his status updates.  He’ll realize that you’re trying to stake your public claim on him and he won’t like it. :

4. Don’t judge him by his pictures: “Unlike me, most dudes I date don’t spend hours posing in front of the mirror to figure out their perfect picture look,” says Lester. Nor do men have the advantage of Spanx, makeup, or friends who will tell them not to post that on Facebook because they look like a goblin. Cut him some slack and wait to evaluate his looks in person.

5. Do take an objective look at your own profile: “After every stalking session, I stalk myself. I try to analyze my own profile through his  eyes,” Lester advises. How else would I have caught glaring red flags like me being a fan of Sarah Palin (he won’t know that’s a joke) or listing Fall Out Boy as my favorite band (he won’t don’t know that isn’t a joke). Shore up your own page by deleting some info. Remember, he’s gotta WORK to get to know you.

7 Unforgettable Love Hunt Ideas

 

When you want to do something to downright wow your partner on a limited budget, not much compares to organizing a love hunt. Not only does your partner get the excitement and thrill of the hunt, they get the satisfaction of winning a prize at the end! Even if it's a simple "I love you" and a kiss waiting for them, the time and effort went into the presentation will be something unforgettable. If the occasion arises where you need to do something a little more outside of the box, try one of these fun and creative reader-submitted love hunt ideas.

Just Because Love Hunt
I take index cards, and write clues on each one and hide them somewhere in the house. My husband finds the first one and reads the clue, and this gives him hints to find the next clue. This can go one for a few minutes or throughout the day, depending on how hard I make the clues and how many cards I hide. The final card always leads to a special "treat." The treat can be a simple kiss, or an I love you, or you can use your imagination. This is also a good way to find out how well you know each other.
--submitted by Ginny

Memories of Us Love Hunt
Although it has been done in various way before on this site, on our first anniversary, I called my girlfriend and told her to meet me at an obscure bus stop (where we met). When she got there, I’d put a white rose and a letter on the seat. In the letter was a rhyming clue to the next location of importance (our first date, our first kiss, etc), and one verse (of many) of a love poem I’d written. I stayed just ahead of her, out of sight, running around town placing letters and white roses, making sure nobody stole them. Granted, you look a bit strange, running around with a bunch of roses and a handful of letters, but it’s worth it! At the end were many roses, a present, and the last verse of the love poem. Worked a treat for me!
--submitted by Dave

Car Love Hunt
To start, hide a bunch of balloons in your love's trunk, tied to a letter and a present so they won't fly away when they open the trunk. Then, hide notes all around their car, starting with one taped to the steering wheel. The notes should all say things like, "look in the backseat," "open the glove compartment," "check the center console," etc. Every note should lead to the next, until they get to the one that leads them to the trunk. It's a fun way to have a mini scavenger hunt, all inside the car!
--submitted by India

Password Protected Love Hunt
Endangered Species chocolate bars have 18 different varieties that have pictures of different endangered animals on the wrappers. I bought all 18 bars and starting on Valentine’s Day I sent my wife of 20 years an email. Inside the first message was a bunch of clues that would help her figure out the type of animal on the wrapper. Once she figured out the type of animal (i.e. Wolf) she was then instructed to open a password protected attached Word Document (using the animal's name as the password). The attachment gave her a specific clue where she could look to find the bar inside the house. The hiding places were also somehow related to the animal (Polar bear bar hidden in the freezer; fish bar hidden behind the aquarium, etc ...). The process continued daily for 17 more days and she had a ball getting her emails, figuring out the passwords and hunting for the chocolate bars.
--submitted by Anonymous

I Love You Hunt
I wanted to do something very special for my girlfriend to say I love you. I cut out six perfectly square pieces of computer paper and on each one I wrote one thing about her that I love and a hint about where to find the next slip of paper. I tied little bows around them and hid them throughout the house. Eventually, after she found each one, it led her to my room where the last slip told her to turn on the light, shut the door, and go push play on the radio. I had her favorite song set so that when she pushed play we could dance to her favorite love song. I was hiding in the closet, and I stepped out when the song started playing. Earlier that week I had bought her a promise ring. As we began to dance I had put the ring in between my lips and as she kissed me I slipped the ring into her lips. She was so surprised and thought I was the sweetest thing ever.
--submitted by Chris

The Kiss Exchange Love Hunt
My boyfriend and I didn't have a lot of extra money to spend on each other for Valentine's Day, so we set our limit to $10 each. I bought a bag of Hershey Kisses, a small stuffed gorilla, and a box of children's Valentine’s Day cards (about 32). I wrote one reason why I loved him on each of the cards, put them in their envelope and taped a Kiss to each of them. Each envelope also had a clue as to where the next one would be hidden. Each one was a riddle, one that he'd have to decipher to find each clue. When he collected them all, he had to trade in his chocolate Kisses for real kisses, so we both had fun!! The gorilla was for him to take on the road when he works, so he has something to remember me by… like he could forget!!
--submitted by Jyl

Picture Fun Love Hunt
My boyfriend and I had been dating for about two years, and he was really going through a rough patch in his life. I wanted to do something really fun to cheer him up. I took a camera and took pictures of a bunch of different places in town. I turned it into a scavenger hunt, posting a picture at each site that would lead him to the next one. I told him to meet me at my house. When he got there, he found a note explaining the game as well as a picture of the first place he had to go. He absolutely loved it! The last picture led him to me at a nearby school on top of a hill -- I lead him to the place to go snowboarding. He'd never been snowboarding before, but he had a blast and it really cheered him up.

Take advantage of romantic rainy days with your lover by experiencing new things indoors and out. The beat of raindrops dancing on the rooftop creates the perfect ambiance to accompany the two of you cuddling, making love, and feeding each other chocolate-covered strawberries. If you dare, take a step into the weather and enjoy the feel of each drop of rain. Let yourself be drenched and feel your emotions run high, your heart beat faster, and your sensuality awaken. Whether you spend your rainy days cozy and warm inside or embracing the romance of the showers, the ideas in this article will help you make your rainy day romance something your partner will never forget!

In The Rain

Love in the rain is all about the kisses, the passion, and the vulnerability. For inspiration, think of great romantic movie moments set in (or out of) the rain. Remember Mr. Darcy professing his love in the pouring rain in Pride and Prejudice? What about Noah pulling Allie in for that unforgettable kiss on the dock in The Notebook? Or in Great Expectations, Fin running to the restaurant in the pouring rain, taking Estella by the hand from her table for a dance, then leading her outside into the rain where they embrace for a long-overdo passionate kiss. Below are ideas from Lovingyou.com readers on romance in the rain.

For those who are not afraid of getting wet, here is something romantic to do together. Pick a night that it is supposed to rain to take your sweetie somewhere like the beach or to the park. Pick a nice spot and sit or lay down and talk. When it starts raining, pull your lover in for a mini make-out session. Nothing is more romantic than kissing in the rain!
--Paige

One night when my boyfriend and I were together, it began to rain. He came up to me while I was in the kitchen and pulled me outside onto the gazebo. He had the stereo playing our favorite song, and he insisted I dance with him. It was a night to remember.
--B.

Take your partner outside in the rain and make passionate love to them. The rain on your body will excite you more than you can ever imagine.
--Anonymous

I was once dating this really amazing guy and one of the most memorable dates we ever had was when he picked me up from my house and took me to his apartment. We went to the pool there and laid out in the sun and tanned. Later, we went to the bookstore to browse, followed by dinner and a movie. After all that we headed back to his place and it was pouring rain outside. We already had our swimsuits on from tanning so I said, "Hey! Let's play in the rain!" We went out and played tag, hide-n-seek, and we even wrestled in the mud. It was something neither of us had done in years, and it was very exciting! I've never forgotten, and hopefully he hasn't either.
--Elizabeth

Staying In

When weather keeps you indoors, take time to relax and enjoy your partner in a peaceful way. Play and lay while you listen to the sound of the rain. Nourish each other's need for R&R, but don't forget the romance. Below are some great ideas from Lovingyou.com readers on spending rainy days inside with your lover.

On a rainy day, just stay inside and rent a couple of movies. Something like Love Jones or Til' there Was You.
--Anonymous

One of my most romantic dates ever was when my husband took me to a cliff that overlooked the city. He brought me up there to watch the city light up at night, but it started to rain really hard and we couldn't see anything from the cliff. We wound up just spending a few hours cuddling in the dark, listening to the rain fall on the roof of his truck. Maybe next time we can get out and dance in the rain!
--Tim's Vickie

My boyfriend and I bought a puzzle to do together. After we laid out all the pieces, I told him whoever can find the first puzzle match wins a prize. He loves a challenge so he said, "Ok, what kind of a prize?" I know he loves having his back scratched, so I said, "Ok, if you find a match first then I'll scratch your back for three minutes, but if I find it first, then you have to massage my back for three minutes." After one of us found a match and claimed ther prize, we would change the prizes. It started getting sexier with intimate "prizes" and higher puzzle-piece quotas. This sexy twist made it so much more fun, and we started finding pieces a lot quicker! We both got a lot of mini fantasies fulfilled. He still talks about it to this day. I think he wants us to get another puzzle!
--Precious

The last time the weather was really bad, I invited my boyfriend over for the day. We spent the whole time cuddling on the couch, kissing, hugging, etc. We had a romantic dinner while listening to the rumbling thunder and the pouring rain. After dinner, we covered ourselves in quilts and listened to the storm outside. It's the warmest and safest feeling I have ever experienced. It may sound boring, but it really is a beautiful thing to do together. When my boyfriend and I talk on the phone, he almost always suggests that we do it again the next time it rains, or even if it doesn't!
--Anonymous

Buy a puzzle and an audio book. Get some finger food and a large tray for the puzzle pieces. The next time you have a rainy day, pop the audio book in the stereo, take out the puzzle, and do it together. (This is most fun to do on the floor, especially by a blazing fire.) This could be a series of dates or an all day event. Either way, it's peaceful, fun, and encourages the mind as much as it warms the heart.
--Anonymous

My husband and I were out shopping one day when it started raining. We decided to seek refuge in a bookstore nearby, and while inside, I had an idea. I found a large comfortable chair and pulled it up to a window. While he made himself comfortable, I went and picked out a couple of poetry books that focused on the topic of love. We cuddled together on the chair and took turns reading meaningful poems to each other while enjoying the view of the warm summer rain coming down. He ended up falling asleep in my arms (he was tired from all the shopping), but when he woke up, he said it was one of the most romantic afternoons he's ever had!
--Lina

My fiance and I love to sit on the back porch during thunderstorms. We put the radio speakers up to the windows and put on romantic music. Then we grab a blanket and cuddle under the gazebo and watch the lightning, listen to the thunder and rain, and just hold each other. It's great, especially if you end up making love out there!

10 ways to maintain a balanced relationship

Being in a relationship can sometimes feel like more work than play and there may be days when the bad seems to outweigh the good. But the most important element in a successful relationship is learning how to work through the tough spots. Arguments are inevitable but just because you and your significant other disagree doesn't mean you're doomed for splitsville. We connected with several relationship experts to get their thoughts on what truly makes a healthy relationship. 

Dr. Karen Sherman is a relationship psychologist specializing in premarital, on-going and married relationships and she's got this advice to offer couples:

1. "Make sure you know the skills to have a healthy conflict," she said. "When a couple is able to do this, they can actually have a more intimate relationship." So an argument from time to time can actually be good for a couple. Just don't hit below the belt!
   
   
2. "Never humiliate your partner publicly or throw something back in his or her face that has been offered to you as something private. These can be more a breach to your relationship than an actual affair." Lesson: what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. Learn how to keep some elements of your relationship private.
   
   
3. "Do not expect your mate to fulfill all of your needs and take time to understand how your partner's needs are met through words and actions." The "you complete me" scene in Jerry Maguire may have had you sobbing like a sucker but learn how to take care of your own needs and nurture your partners – but don't live for them.

Best-selling author Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil was named by New York Magazine as one of the city's top therapists. She prides herself on saving couples from all types of relationship peril, even adultery, and has a 98 percent success rate for saving relationships. Her tips include:

4. "Give verbal aphrodisiacs daily to your partner," she said. "Tell them they look good, that you loved the dinner they cooked." Who knew foreplay and wordplay went together so well?
   
   
5. "Try to go to bed at the same time every night," she said. "Even if one of you has to get up later for work."
   
   
6. Ladies and gentlemen, it should come as no surprise. Sex is just as important as communication. Thank you, Dr Weil! "Make sex a priority," she said. "Schedule it in. Take turns developing a sexual adventure for your partner. Use sex as a stress buster!"

Susan Barnes is a relationship expert who has appeared on numerous TV and radio shows across the country including Everyday with Rachael Ray and Playboy radio. She specializes in teaching people the art of spiritual romance. She's got this to offer couples"

7. "Put your partner first," said Barnes. "Put yourself in their shoes and try to think what it's like to be them before making any judgments. Most importantly, trust them." So, the next time you want to go out and party with the girls instead of following through with your set dinner plans, try to think how you'd feel if the tables were turned.
   
   
8. According to Barnes, the language of love comes in many different forms. "There is a fine line between being honest and being cruel. Be honest with kindness and use soft language, don't be brutal." So the next time you're ready to explode, take a step back and reconsider your approach. "And every night before you go to bed, tell your partner seven things that you are grateful for in your relationship."
   
   
9. "Become unbeatable together. Stay strong together under any circumstance and be each other's rock. You are each other's best friend, lover and confidant. Be loyal to one another and don't let anyone talk bad about your partner."
   
   
10. We've always heard it's important to pick your battles and Barnes definitely agrees. "Stop criticizing and complaining to your partner. If you have complaints try writing them down in a notebook and read them later. You'll be surprised how petty they really are.

"What is your favorite Love Story? At this point in my life, I would have to say 'Sleepless in Seattle' with Tom Hanks...Not sure what this says about my personality, well maybe it says I'm a dreamer or hopeless romantic lol...who knows. So anyway, what about you?"

Relationships are like wines, the longer it stays, the finer it gets. Shyness is just an emotional barrier to overcome. In order to overcome this barrier, one of you must take a step forward. I suggest you both should step out of your comfort zone and make a move. It takes two hands to clap, if either one of you doesn't take the initiative, the relationship is not going to work out. Take more initiatives to engage the other partner, have more openers for a conversation. Like this, your relationship would naturally grow stronger everyday, and would eventually overcome the shyness barrier among both of you. Good luck :)