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Friday, November 11, 2011

LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF



Love yourself

STOP FOCUSING ON OTHERS

We never sit around comparing ourselves to less fortunate people and counting our blessings. Instead, we compare ourselves to people who have what we perceive to be better lives -- those who are better looking with bigger houses, have better jobs and more money. It's a ridiculous comparison. Instead of focusing on others, we should compare ourselves to our past and our expectations of the future.
Ask yourself:
  • How has your life improved in the last year?
  • What have you done that you never thought you could do?
  • What actions have you taken recently that have yielded positive results?
  • What negative habits have you gotten rid of?
  • What charity work have you done?
  • How have you been a good friend, employee and partner?
  • How are you continuing to improve yourself?
Asking and answering these questions of yourself will help you realize all the things you've accomplished that really matter. This is a key to self-love. Comparing yourself to yourself allows you to see how much you've achieved, obstacles you've overcome and goals that are within reach. It also helps you improve your self-appreciation and gratitude.

SELF-WORTH AND SOCIAL MEDIA

Many people use Facebook, Twitter and other social media sites to keep in touch with long-distance friends and relatives. Others use these websites to network for job opportunities and relationships. However, social media also allows users to focus on others. You see what each person in your circle of Facebook friends is doing and, again, compare yourself to see how you measure up. Your ego comes into play and you also tend to judge and criticize others, as well as yourself.
According to a study conducted by researcher Soraya Mehdizadeh from York University in Canada last year, those who scored higher on psychology tests to measure levels of narcissism also checked their Facebook pages more often each day than those who scored lower. The study also indicated that those people with low self-esteem also checked Facebook more often than normal. That shouldn't be surprising as narcissism is directly linked to a lack of self-esteem.
If you find yourself engrossed in social media in a way that is unhealthy, give yourself a break. Step away for a while and concentrate on your own accomplishments and goals.

START LOVING YOURSELF

If you want to start loving yourself but don't know how to go about it, try these helpful tips.
End self-criticism - How often do you look at yourself in the mirror and say that you look fat, ugly or old? Stop criticizing yourself by keeping affirmations on Post-it notes on your mirror about all your positive qualities. Repeat them to yourself every day.
Let go of your ego - Your ego and the insecurities behind it are what cause you to be jealous, envious, fearful, angry and a host of other negative emotions. Don't allow your ego to control your life and your relationships.
Acknowledge your accomplishments - Celebrate your own achievements, even if your only accomplishment is your effort. Many times just trying something new is worth acknowledgment and praise.
Forgive yourself - Often a feeling of low self-esteem or self-worth stems from hanging on to mistakes you've made in the past. Learn to forgive yourself. We are all flawed and have made many mistakes in life. Let go of the baggage and move forward.
Enjoy life - Relax, give yourself a break and have a little fun. You don't need to always be a workaholic or a Supermom. Take a break for a little "me" time to pay attention to your health and happiness. Stop worrying about things you can't control or that don't matter. Love yourself enough to take care of your body, mind and soul.

Friday, July 29, 2011

STARTING YOUR NEXT CAREER


Woman going back to work

EMPTY NEST


Do you feel less of a person, or even somewhat lost, because you are no longer a full-time mother? Does the thought of doing something else appear to be overwhelming? Do you wonder how you will find another profession to partially replace motherhood and give you the personal rewards you received from being a mother? Welcome to the beginning of your new and rewarding life. Here are seven secrets to converting the vast knowledge and skills you gained while being a mother into starting your next successful career.

SECRET NO. 1

You are a very valuable resource

You have already accumulated considerable knowledge and skills during the years of being a professional mother. You have been a teacher, leader, organizer, conflict mediator, financial consultant, personal mentor, personal inspiration, activity counselor, transportation expert, event coordinator, homemaker, health consultant, cook, professional buyer, cleaning consultant, spiritual consultant, fashion consultant, food consultant, wife, psychologist, confidant, activity supporter and fan, and the list goes on too long to continue in this short space.
Wow! Sounds extremely impressive when you really look at it. In truth, it is. The considerable experience you have in so many areas provides you with the ability to perform quite well in an untold number of other professions. You have much more to offer than you can see from your perspective.

SECRET NO. 2

It is time to focus on you first

Your number one focus as a mother has been on your children. Not you. You spent considerable time and effort to assure the growth, success, health, happiness, and safety of you children. That was wonderful. You now have the time and energy to focus first on you. This sounds like a simple step, but it is a very big one. You naturally put yourself aside for your children, and it felt good. You will not be abandoning your children. In fact, most children love to see their parents develop new and successful lives. Permit yourself the right, without guilt or hesitation to enjoy focusing on you.

SECRET NO. 3

Discover what you really want to do next and why

You will want to look into yourself and discover what your true passions, desires, talents and beliefs are. You probably know more about these areas for your children and your husband than yourself.
Your passions and desires were probably wrapped up in your children and husband. You will undoubtedly now have new ones. But what are they? It is time to find a way to become the worlds leading expert on you. You are now entitled to explore and discover yourself.

SECRET NO. 4

Convert your clarity about yourself into a career that suits you

As a mother, you became a Jack-of-all-trades and a master of some. This presents you with opportunity overwhelm. You have too many choices. However, after you become the worlds leading expert on you, you can easily develop or define a new career that will allow you to fulfill your true wants, needs and passions.
Your new career will give you the satisfaction and rewards you want while allowing you to do what you love. The clearer your understanding and definition of your desired new career, the better. You eliminate the fear of the unknown, and you greatly increase the chances of your successful entrance into your chosen new career.

SECRET NO. 5

You do not have to abandon motherhood to enjoy your new career

You will undoubtedly want to carry on your position as a mother, but in a reduced manner. You will be able to create a new career around your desire to continue raising your children. It does not have to be an all or nothing change. You may want to progressively shift into your new career as you steadily move out of full time mothering, until your last child has gone onto a more independent life.

SECRET NO. 6

Get help from the right people

Your journey from full-time motherhood to your new career is almost impossible to accomplish and much too important to attempt without help from someone. It is certainly not a self-help program. Making this journey alone will be very difficult and not much fun. Seek help from someone you trust who has your best interests at heart and who will provide you the objective non-critical mirror to see yourself and what you really want.
Just like we must look into a mirror to see our faces because of where our eyes are located, we must have another person act as our outside mirror to see our inner selves. The fresh perspective others will provide you of your talents, passions and abilities will be exhilarating and very valuable. Creating a journey team will assist you to achieve your goals faster, with fewer errors and in a more enjoyable manner.

SECRET NO. 7

Pursue the new career you defined for yourself

Now that you know what you want to do and why, you will want to pursue your new career in the manner that best suits you. Many mothers feel that they must go back to school and get a degree or some kind of training to get a job. This is rarely necessary. You will be amazed at how little training you will really need, because of your extensive experience in mothering. You will also be amazed at how attractive you will be to many employers, if your career involves working for others. Here are just some of the reasons employers would consider you to be very desirable:
  1. You are a very mature person (stability)
  2. You have considerable experience in many facets of work (flexibility)
  3. You will require much less management by others (efficiency)
  4. You will be enthusiastic about your chosen career and you will be very focused to succeed (dedicated)
  5. You will be able to step in right away and be very productive (productivity)
  6. You will know what you can do and will be trainable to increase your skills (increasingly productive)
  7. You will have progressively less need to deal with mothering issues as your children continue to become more independent. (fewer distractions)
  8. You are not likely to become pregnant (reliability)
  9. Your employer will be very pleased and impressed that you chose him/her to begin your chosen career. (honor)
This is a very important and dramatic journey, and you want to do it right. Your successful handling of the very difficult and multifaceted motherhood profession qualifies you to become very successful in a whole host of other careers. The key is to pick the career that best suits you and your desires, before beginning your journey. You will be very surprised how successful you will be at attaining your new career, once you have targeted your chosen career. Smart employers will welcome you.

The Twilight Effect

Woman Vampire
Everyone has gone gaga for Edward Cullen. Is it the charming good looks of the Robert Pattinson, who plays the character in the hit book-turned-movie Twilight? Perhaps, but experts have another theory: the vampire attraction. Surely, you know the tale of Dracula -- even he had special powers with the ladies (and he wasn't even that cute). So maybe theorists are onto something.
So what's with the vampire attraction? Here are four reasons that may explain why women are into these dangerous men...

Unbridled Emotions

Lauren Mackler, author of international bestseller, Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness and Transform Your Life, points out that vampires represent and embody the parts of people that are often submerged, especially in women, like unbridled emotion, sensuality and sexuality. From forbidden pleasures to rebellious behavior, some women can't help themselves. "In the unconscious quest for wholeness and reclamation of our ‘lost parts,' [some women] are attracted to people (vampires) who embody what we are missing,"Mackler explains. "Another driver of this attraction is women's biological imperative for men to take command of their natural male energy and power (think cavemen).”

The Fantasy

"It seems very romantic in fantasy for a woman to be controlled by a man, but in real life, control leads to abuse,"says Tina B. Tessina, PhD (a.k.a. "Dr. Romance”), a psychoterhapist and author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again. "The fantasy of not having to be responsible is very attractive to certain women."Although this notion is often connected to insecurity and feeling incapable of handling life on its own turns, many -- men included -- long for someone to take care of them and make life easy from time to time. "But people who feel competent and capable don't like the feeling of being controlled,"Tessina adds.

Drawn to Danger

Fear can produce chemicals in the brain that morph into excitement. And judging by the fan reaction to the Twilight saga, we can see how it thrills women more than men. "[The saga] represents a connection between sexuality and danger -- perhaps even a connection between sexuality and brutality,"says Beth Felker Jones, author of Touched by a Vampire and assistant professor of theology at Wheaton College. "The allure of vampire romance is always dangerous, even life-threatening, even if the vampire is portrayed as ‘good.'"
In saying this, Jones can't help but be struck by the many parallels between Bella and Edward's romance in Twilight and the characteristics of an abusive relationship. "Warning signs of abusive relationships include possessiveness, jealousy, isolation from friends and family and controlling behavior,"she points out. "Edward, as vampire-hero, exhibits all of this and more. He takes pieces out of Bella's car so she can't visit a friend, he watches her sleep, and she's willing to erase herself for the sake of their relationship."Sounds crazy, doesn't it? Even still, women fall victim to this situation all the time.

Just Plain Crazy

... and by that, we mean, they are attracted to men with issues. Some ladies are self-destructive and seek out partners who need fixing. It's important to remember that a good relationship shouldn't be about a fantasy, danger or destruction. In Jones' book, Touched by a Vampire, she challenges readers to see that it's okay to want intense love and passionate desire, but that doesn't mean love should destroy us. "God offers us the most intense kind of love, but in that love, we find that God wants good things for us, as well,"she says. "We don't have to turn to dangerous romances to feed our longings."At the end of the day, there are better options.

WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?


Woman writing in journal
It's so easy in life to get off course, to travel one road only to find that road does not lead you to the happy life you thought it would. It's okay to find yourself on the wrong road for you. What matters is not where you are but rather what you are willing to do about it. If you continue to do what you've always done, this time next year you'll be in this same predicament. It doesn't get better unless you are willing to take the necessary steps to change course. Your vision for success needs to ignite your passion so that you become more committed to it than you are to things remaining the same. Your "comfort zone" is familiar territory, even if it's been uncomfortable for a long time.

WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT IN LIFE?

Many people know exactly what they want. "I want to be a pilot." Or, "I want to travel the world." Really? Is that what you really want? Will that make you happy? And is what you're doing right now contributing to your goal or moving you in another direction? "I want to be married and have children." What are you doing to make yourself attractive to your ideal mate? Do you reallywant to raise children? (It's the toughest job you'll ever have!) Or is this what you think you're supposed to do in life?
Whenever a client tells me what they want, I always ask more questions because sometimes what they think they want is not really what they want at all but something someone else wants for them. Or it may have been something they wanted when they were younger. "I always wanted to go to medical school," one gentleman told me. But he didn't go. Life took him in different directions and now this man is a medical technologist with a master's degree who has tremendous expertise in his field. Yet he is being held back in his mind by this old possibility of wanting to be a doctor. This idea impacts him today by limiting his success because it whispers in his ear, "You're not good enough because you didn't go to med school." Hogwash!
This man needs to throw out the old idea or possibility, and accept the choices he made, that those choices took him in exactly the direction he needed to go to fulfill his life's work. He needs to learn to make the best of his skills and his talents and let go of the ideas of the past. He no longer wants to be a doctor; he is not interested in making that kind of commitment for educating himself in that way. So why let this hold him back from being great today?
Others, however, don't know what they want. Ask people what their dream is and they will not be able to answer. They stopped dreaming a long time ago. For clients who come to me with this problem, it's not hard to get them dreaming again. It takes some practice, that's all. Most people know what they don't want and that is a great place to start - eliminate what you don't want. This will create space for you to add what you do want to your life.
And that's what creating a great life is all about. It's not complicated; it's just not necessarily easy in practice. You eliminate what you don't want and add only those things that make you happy and bring you joy. Vision is the key to keeping you focused so that you can bring in what you want to bring into your life. With vision, you learn to say no to the things that will not help you on your journey to achieving what you desire.

HOLDING THE VISION

Having vision helps you to design a life with purpose and intention. If you know what you want, then each day you make decisions about how you spend your time, what you do and who you do it with, based on whether it brings you closer to what you want. Will doing this add to you or to your knowledge base in some way? Is this a positive interaction that is beneficial or adding value to you? Or is this person depleting your energy? Are you gaining something or is this merely a distraction? Is what you are doing moving you directly in the path toward your dream or is it moving you away from achieving your dream?
Without vision, it's harder to ask these questions. If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there. But if you know where you want to end up, then you can be careful which road you choose and make choices each day that move you closer to achieving what you want.
It's so easy to be distracted by the day-to-day minutia. Vision keeps your eye on the horizon so that you don't get too immersed in simply caring for the ship. Too many people get caught up in simply running in the cage, like the mouse on a wheel. You're spinning your wheels dealing with whatever is in front of you and not looking where you are going. You have to look up, which may mean accepting responsibility for where you are. Perhaps you're not happy with your life in some aspect right now. It's okay wherever you find yourself. This is an important step to creating a great life. You must start with where you are and go from here. Awareness is the first step. Willingness to do something different is the second. If you got yourself here, you can make some changes to your route and go in a different direction but you need to know where you want to go and you need to learn to make different choices so that you break the habits that got you to the place you are now!

MOVE FORWARD WITH PURPOSE


Creating what you want in life takes more than just vision: it takes 1) doing the inner work to evolve yourself so you can achieve more in your life; 2) creating a new environment in order to help you create and sustain the new you and your new success; and 3) taking purposeful and persistent action. It also takes time on this new road to travel the distance required to create what you want. The journey itself is your life and when you move forward with vision and purpose, you achieve the results you want and you enjoy yourself along the way.

Long-Distance Love


Keep the lines of communication open

'Long distance relationships depend heavily on keeping something hopeful - an event or meeting on the near horizon - in the forefront of the relationship,' advises Marty Babits, LCSW, BCD, author of The Power of the Middle Ground: A Couple's Guide to Renewing Your Relationship. Knowing when you can look forward to a relaxed or extended conversation can make a the difference between feeling that the connection is fading or being maintained; if possible, having set times when you know you will be in contact can help enormously.

Befriend technology

Babits says programs like Skype can make a big difference but, again, partners that feel they can access their partner in times of distress, or at least reach them and get in touch with them in relatively short order, can go a long way toward 'shortening' the distance psychologically.  Having a contingency plan to signal moments of exceptional need for contact can help; e.g., partners can set up understandings like:  'If you are facing a loss or threat of some kind that is extraordinarily difficult situation that you want to share with me or talk to me about, signal me with the term, 'code-blue' so I will know to get back to you as quickly as I possibly can.'

Expert advice

So how do you keep your LDR hot? We asked Elayne Savage, author of  'Breathing Room - Creating Space to Be a Couple. Elayne says with LDRs you can live the dream and you don't have to live the reality. Go with that ideal and make your relationship as hot as possible, despite the distance.

5 Tips to Keep Your Long Distance Relationship Hot

Sure, pheromones can’t do their job during your separations, but hopefully there will be enough oxytocin, the 'bonding' hormone, to last between visits.
  • A few romantic emails or sexy phone calls might help keep some juice flowing in-between your face to-face contacts.
  • And of course there are web cams.
  • The 'high' of anticipation keeps the sexual charge going and going.
  • A sexy love letter or care package (yes, snail mail!)
  • At the end of time spent together, tuck a sexy note into your lover's suitcase.
Long distance relationships can offer a unique opportunity to nourish your space and independence, and remain connected to someone you love. Remember, though, treat this relationship with as much nurturing and respect as you would a more geographically desirable relationship. And keep saving those frequent flyer miles…they can come in handy!

How To Date Your Spouse

Date night

Four unbreakable rules

1Turn off your phone.

For two or three hours one night a week, put away your Blackberry or iPhone and connnect with your partner instead of your electronics. In this day and age, all of us are guilty of texting during dinner or obsessively checking our email. But during date night, give your mate your undivided attention.

2Don't talk about work.

Before you were married, you had plenty to talk about other than work and your kids. Reconnect again by avoiding these topics. Discuss a book you read recently, share a childhood memory that you never told your spouse before, or get a little racy and share your secret sexual fantasy.

3Choose a date night activity.

Date night doesn't have to be just dinner at a restaurant. Take turns planning your date nights and choose activities you both enjoy. Sign up for a class together, take a short trip to a nearby town or just kick back and relax.

4Don't break the date.

Treat date night like any other appointment on your calendar: Do your best not to cancel it. If you must break the date, reschedule immediately. If you don't reschedule right away, you might end up skipping it altogether.

Where To Go On Your Next Date

Wine bar

1Where: The zoo

Why: Plenty of conversations starters are sure to keep the date flowing. Also, walking around and looking at exhibits gives you the opportunity to get flirty with your body language.

2Where: A street fair

Why: Weaving in and out of booths is a great way to see what you have in common. You get to show lots of personality and have fun, too, whether you’re trying on sunglasses or indulging in deep-fried Oreos for the first time.

3Where: Wine bars 

Why: Wine bars inject an instant romantic-yet-casual ambiance into any date, providing the perfect, quiet atmosphere in which to get to know each other better. Besides, getting to know each other over a glass of wine is much more romantic than over beers at a pub.

4Where: Mini golf 

Why: An activity gives you a common goal on a date. You can show off with a hole in one, or get some pointers on your swing from your partner. A game of mini golf is quick, and if things go well, you can enjoy a lemonade together afterward.

5Where: A place with a view 

Why: Whether it’s from a rooftop hangout or a top-floor lounge, a view always makes a first date feel luxe. Both environments typically have casual seating areas, as well. Choose a couch rather than a table so you can send (and receive) a few messages via good body language.

Body Talk

Body talk

Say it without saying a word

1Get closer.

To demonstrate you trust him and want him to get closer, remove barriers. Don’t put your arm, drink or purse between the two of you. Open up!
Conversely, to keep him at a safe distance until you are sure you like him, put something between you. Even if you are sitting close, this expands your personal space.

2Stop fidgeting.

Little, nervous gestures such as rubbing fingers and twirling hair convey insecurity, and they ratchet up the other person’s tension.
If he’s fidgeting, find a topic to discuss that animates him and arouses his confidence. The fidgeting should go away as he connects more comfortably with you.

3Get adjusted.

Adjust your energy level so it fits with his. Of course, if he’s over the top or almost dead, then you probably don’t want to be in the same room with him anyway. And, take note: Is he respectful of your energy level? If you’re feeling good and ready to dance and he insists on sitting in a corner, end the date before it ends your mood.

Love At The Office

Office romance

1Check your employee handbook

Does your company have a written policy against dating fellow employees? Some companies forbid it, while others require you report your relationship to human resources when a relationship begins. Even if there is not an official policy, consider the culture at your office. Are other employees dating? Is their relationship kept on the down-low or is it public knowledge?

2Don't date your boss

Dating your boss or your subordinate is a recipe for disaster. It raises the risk for sexual harrassment claims and increases the chances that you co-workers will think you are getting preferential treatment. If you absolutely can't resist dating your boss, start looking for another job.

3Be discreet

Whether dating co-workers is forbidden or not, you should be discreet. You don't want to trigger a bad reaction from co-workers or clients. And if you break it off, you don't want everyone to know all your personal business. Most people will start treating you differently if they know you are dating; so be as discreet as possible.

4Keep your head out of the clouds

While you are at work, concentrate on work. You don't want to let your job performance suffer because you are flirting with your boyfriend or making plans for the weekend. Get your work done at the office and keep the romance at home.
An office love affair can actually work out wonderfully, if you are aware of the risks and handle yourself professionally while on the job.

Are You Getting Too Close?

Nervous woman texting
1
 

You need to know where he is 24/7.

Dating someone doesn't mean keeping constant tabs on his whereabouts. If you have plans with him and he doesn't show up, you have a reason for legitimate concern. Freaking out because he hasn't called or texted today to tell you where he is or what he's up to isn't healthy.

2You have to do everything together.

Wanting to be with the person you love whenever you can is understandable, but give your guy some space. Being in a relationship doesn't mean being attached at the hip and doing everything together. Having separate friends and interests is not only OK -- it's perfectly natural and healthy.

3You feel lost without him.

Missing him while he's gone or wishing you were with him is normal, but feeling completely lost without  him is not a good sign. Refocus some of your energy on yourself. Make plans with your friends, hit the gym or start a book you've been meaning to read -- anything to remind yourself you have a life beyond your guy.

You're constantly texting him.

4A few cute messages here and there are fine, but if you're sending him a daily deluge of texts asking what he's doing, where he is and when he's going to see you, you're acting too needy.  Limit yourself to only a few texts a day, and make sure you actually have something to tell him; don't send texts just for the sake of it.

Conversation Stimulation


Couple talking in living room

1Ask about his day.

This one may seem obvious, but when was the last time you asked about your partner's day and really listened? We can get so used to asking the question that we barely notice the response. Rather than checking email while he answers, stop what you're doing and invest some time in finding out what he did and how he feels about his day.

2Ask advice about something.

Most guys love to give advice and feel like they're helping you out. Whether you're having problems with a friend or need to bounce ideas off someone about an upcoming work presentation, see what he has to say. He'll appreciate you including him, and just might set precedent for asking each other for advice on a more regular basis.

3Discuss a noteworthy news item.

Whether you read the paper, get your news online or read up on your iPhone, bring up an item that you think has potential for conversation and ask him how he feels about it. If he hasn't read about it yet, fill him in or ask him what he thinks the most noteworthy news item of the day was. Discuss.

4Debate something.

Take 10 to 15 minutes to research a chosen issue, pick a side and make some notes. Then, each of you can come back to the table to debate your side. This is a great way to reignite the conversational spark in your relationship -- and learn something new about current events, too.

Conversation Stimulation


woman-on-computer


In a recent survey conducted by RecruitIreland, almost half of recruiters surveyed indicated that they check out applicants online during the hiring process. Further, one in five has rejected a candidate because of something the candidates’ online presence revealed.
The presence of social networking sites like Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn can be great tools when one is job-seeking, or simply aiming to build a professional network. Not only can you explore a potential interviewer's background and expertise, you can “cast a wider net” by using your friends’ connections to get closer to decision-makers. However, online and social media is something of a two-way mirror; you never know who is behind the proverbial glass. Here are four ways to ensure that you are always showing the best sides of your online self.

1KEEP YOUR INFORMATION UP TO DATE

You may not actively use all the social networking tools you have accounts for, but that doesn’t mean your information isn’t accessible. Take a few minutes to update your employer history on popular sites like LinkedIn and Facebook, particularly if you’re job searching. Too many discrepancies in your information may lead the recruiter to question which aspects of your resume are valid and which are “overstated.”


2GET ACTIVE IN YOUR COMMUNITY



When a recruiter searches for information about you, they may search popular social media tools --or they might just “Google" you and see what comes up. Google presents a great opportunity to position yourself as a thought-leader in your industry. Comment often on credible professional or business-oriented blogs and sites with clear, thoughtful, well-presented ideas. (Watch those typos!) When it is published, the comment will be temporarily indexed high in association with your name. Ultimately, your comment will likely be among the top search results the recruiter sees. Seize the opportunity to show your stuff! Your online image will communicate to the recruiter that you are not only sharp, but well-versed on the latest happenings in your industry.


3MAKE CONNECTIONS

While relationship-building is and always will be a critical part of business, social networking has put the fast-forward on making connections. Business networks that once took years to build can happen almost instantly, thanks to your peers and the “stepping stones” their online groups provide. Keep your networks active and robust. Recruiters will see that you are well-connected and respected, given that people are willing to essentially “endorse” you by association. 

4CLOSE THE LOOP

While 93 percent of social networkers use Facebook, just 73 percent keep their accounts private. Ensure privacy settings are activated on your account-- and those of your friends. If they tag you in an image and their setting is open, that recruiter may see a side of you better kept private! 

Balancing Love With Alone Time

Girls night in
 

1Take one night a week off.

If you're together every night of the week and the togetherness is wearing on you, think about taking one night off a week to do your own thing. He may not like the idea at first, or you may wonder what you'll do with yourself, but one night alone can do wonders for your relationship. Clean your apartment, curl up with a book or just go to bed early. The point is to do things you no longer get to do because you spend every night with your guy. Ideally, creating space will bust boredom and bring you closer.

2Find separate interests.

Having similar hobbies and interests is great; you both love to run (so you do it together), and you cheer for the same sports team (so you watch games together). That leaves very little time for your own interests. Rather than doing everything in the presence of your partner, find something you can do alone. Join a book club, take a up a new sport or go to the gym to work out instead of going for that morning run with your guy.

3Reconnect with friends.

Relationships often overtake friendships because you (understandably) want to spend as much time as possible with your new beau. Eventually, you're going to have to reconnect with your BFFs. Whether it's every other Friday or one weekend a month, spend some quality time with your girlfriends. You can still hang out with your guy, but making time for your friends is a good (and healthy) idea.

BEWARE OF WORK NO-NO'S

Woman gossiping on phone
Everyone's got plenty of advice on what you should do in order to keep your job, but what workplace mistakes should you avoid?

WHAT NOT TO DO

Some things are obvious: Excessive office flirting. Looking for another job on your office computer. Talking back to your boss. But are there things you're doing at work that could actually get you fired?
BNET lists "10 Things You Should Never Do at Work," outlining the types of behaviors that could spell trouble for you if you're planning on moving up the company ladder.

Social media

For example, don't say or type anything that could get you in hot water. Some of us are so frequently sending emails, posting to social media sites like Facebook and Twitter, or watching random cat videos that we forget our office computers are keeping track of everything we're doing.
Posting photos from last night's party on Facebook while you're at your office desk? Better not. Tweeting how boring the meeting you're in is -- while sitting at the table with your coworkers? Not a good idea. Privacy at work is pretty much nil. You're better off pretending you're the star of a reality TV show, and everything you're doing at the office is being broadcast for the world to see.

Relationships

Other work don'ts include: obsessively using your mobile phone to text, talk with your friends, or keep up with your online circle; over-committing and under-delivering (you're almost always better off doing the reverse); and trash-talking to your coworkers.
To that, we'd add that being overly competitive can hurt you. Companies work best when workers work together, and managers looking to promote you are keeping an eye on whether or not you can get along with your peers and if you're capable when it comes to sharing your skills with others.
At work, don't be that reality TV-show girl who declares, "I'm not here to make friends!" It won't help you, your career or your company.

Rethink Your Relationship

women breaking up with man

You hope he’ll change

We suspect women have been falling into this tricky trap since back when cavemen (and woman) ruled the earth. It’s a tempting myth and one that gets perpetuated over and over through books, movies and made for TV miniseries where the plucky young woman just  has to bat her eyelashes at the brooding, diamond-in-the-rough type handsome hunk and he’s instantly a changed man. If you are currently subscribing to this myth and staying with a guy you kind of like, but hope will change, consider rethinking your strategy. You can definitely help your guy become a better person but you won’t be able to change the fundamental parts of his personality. You need to love him for him – not who you hope he’ll become. So think long and hard about who you’re dealing with and whether he’s worth the wait.

You don’t want to be alone

We get it, being alone can be tough and sometimes unappealing, but is your aversion to spending time solo worth dating someone you aren’t totally into? Life is too short to waste time with a guy you only have so-so feelings for -- it’s time to ditch Mr. not-so-right and spend some time figuring out what kind of guy you’d really like to have in your life. Besides, being alone really isn’t so bad. Don’t think of the time you spend sans beau as time to dread. Use it to have fun!
  • Spend some quality time with your BFFs
  • Work on bettering yourself. Hit the gym, put time into getting that promotion you deserve or learn something new.
  • Take up a sport. Join a co-ed league and maybe you’ll meet someone new (and cute)!
  • Take a trip. Solo travel can open your eyes to new things and teach you a lot about yourself.
  • Repaint and reorganize your space. Solo time is perfect for getting your house in order and looking amazing.

You’d rather not deal with dating

Getting to the point where you feel like you’re over the whole dating thing is natural. There’s only so much time you can spend wading around in the dating pool trying to hook something worth catching. But if the guy you’re currently with feels more like a dud than a stud you may need to toss him back and try your luck at reeling in something better. But before you dive right back in it’s a good idea to take a dating break so you don’t get frustrated and end up right back where you started – with a guy you think is OK just because you can’t bear the thought of meeting anymore awful men.

4 Ways to save a failing relationship


#1

Happy couple

Start with a compliment

When you see your partner, the first thing that you should say is a compliment. No matter how much you want to nag or complain, start the conversation with a compliment. At first it will seem forced, but this will help you renew your attraction.
#2

Enjoy the power of touch

The power of touch isn't necessarily sexual but it's definitely affectionate. When you are sitting in the car together, place your hand on his knee. When you are standing in the line at the grocery store, reach to hold his hand. When you wake up in the morning, give him a kiss on the neck or back before giving out of bed. The power of touch can help you reconnect with your partner.
#3

Schedule date night

If you spend most of your time just hanging out at home or just don't spend enough time together, schedule date night with your mate. Put it on your calendar and treat it like any other appointment. Don't back out unless there is a true emergency.
#4

Lighten up

Don't take every comment your boyfriend makes as an insult. And don't take every bump in the road as a major crisis. Lighten up and don't always be so serious. Maybe the reason there is so much tension in your relationship is because you both are making it that way. Learn to laugh again and don't be afraid to make fun of yourself.